Thursday, February 23, 2012
Slop n Such.
I don't know what's wrong with me lately but I just can't seem to get it together emotionally. One minute I'm annoyed because all the girls around me are mommying it up and are busy being cute and having cute babies and being cute mothers and I feel so awkward and out of place and disconnected from my friends because I have nothing baby-related to say. The next I'm thanking my stars I still have alone time with my husband and don't want to change it for anything and the next I'm thinking, hmm....Silas is probably like, the best baby boy name ever! (No stealing, ladies.) I'm obnoxiously oscillating between being overwhelming thankful and wishing for a lobotomy so that living paycheck-to-paycheck will lose its sting. And while I'm the first voice to remind Thad that God provides, and everything happens in its own time, and that we are so incredibly blessed &boy am I great at delivering those speeches when he is tempted to be discouraged, its the voice in my head that belongs to me that brings me down. I sound like a crazy person. The voice in my head. What I mean is, I know better than all of this. I'll be busy mommying it up the precise minute that I'm supposed to be, and Thad and I won't always be broke and tired and stressed every minute of every day and we'll look back on this time and be glad it happened. It's just that some days I really, really want to hit fast forward.