Friday, August 24, 2012

I'm Going to Pretend That

waking up tomorrow isn't going to be incredibly difficult.

I la la love birthdays, I love celebrating mine, and I really love celebrating the birthdays of the people I love. I love making a big deal out of other people's birthdays, especially when said person doesn't want to. I don't know why, I can't help it. I think everyone should love their birthday. You were granted a whole extra year of life! What's not to celebrate?

So two years ago tomorrow, I made a big huge deal out of someone's birthday who's answer to "What do you want to do for your birthday?" is always, "Nothing." Similarly, "What do you want for your birthday?" "Don't get me anything." So Anita and I hung a giant, obnoxious sign in the corner of our kitchen that said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" and I dug around to find out his favorite kind of cake and I scoured every grocery store in a ten mile radius for the right german chocolate.

It was the big 21 for him and I had decided to wait a couple months earlier to get my license changed from the obnixous UNDER 21/vertical one to the over 21 so we could go to the DMV together. I introduced him to the Vegas Roll at Ra before we went to the DMV and made each other feel as awkward as possible when we got our license pictures taken. I invited a few of his friends over without telling him and surprised him with his cake. He had never had a surprise party before. And I was so happy that day. What's better than making someone's birthday? And what's better than knowing that I was totally his favorite part of his birthday? And I was even happier after the cake, when he asked me to be his girlfriend and kissed me for the first time.

So tomorrow is that sweet boy's 23rd birthday and the two year anniversary of having my heart completely and totally and for the first time for realsies stolen. And oh, I can't explain the ache of not being able to share it with him because he's over on the other side of the country, out of sight, out of reach, out of my hands. I won't even be able to call, or send a card.

But I'm choosing to take solace in that I can send a prayer. I can pray that he knows me well enough to know that if he were home, I'd do something as annoying as always, and I'd make sure he knew that I am so thankful for another year of his life.

Despite the circumstances, there is a lot to be thankful for tomorrow. Thankful that he made it to 23, thankful that he gets another birthday. Thankful that he's completely in the Lord's hands. Thankful that he's in such a great place, even if its nowhere near me.

Today I'm thankful that the Lord died for us, tore the veil, and forever lives to intercede for us. Today I'm thankful that the Spirit intercedes for us in our prayers, because I sometimes don't know what to be praying for. My prayer for tomorrow is that my thankfulness far exceeds my grief--and that if its possible, that boy I sat in the DMV with just two short years ago has a happy happy birthday.


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