Well, I'm 39 weeks pregnant. My due date is in 7 days, and Thad comes home for Christmas in 8 days and I couldn't be antsier. I'm at that I'm-so-done stage where it's not even cute when people ask me how far along I am anymore.
Lots of mamas I've talked to have liked to compliment me on my "poise" or ask me how I'm handling all the insane emotions that often come along with pregnancy. Honestly, I haven't experienced any emotional rollercoasters for no reason, or the ability to cry at the drop of a hat, and I haven't been easily irritated....until now.
This past week I have been a MESS, by my own standards. I'm easily annoyed, I see babies and I cry....I'm annoying *myself*, really.
On Monday I had an appt with my midwife and we talked about possibly doing a non-stress test. I haven't felt Clementine move much these days, and although I know it's normal for babies to stop moving as much in prep for labor, and she just doesn't have as much room to move around anymore, with baby its just better safe than sorry. And it's called a NON STRESS test so how bad could it be?
Horrible. It could be horrible.
I sat in a chair with monitors strapped to my Clementine Cave and watched a machine read all kinds of things for 15 minutes. And it was nerve-wracking because I don't know how to read these monitors....they could be saying bad things, they could be saying good things, I just had to sit and watch and wait and pray that nothing was wrong.
After what I think eternity may feel like, a nurse came in, stared at the screen and paper for a sec, declared "She looks great!" turned on her heel and left. Thankfully a midwife came in not too long after and actually explained what was on the screen. She kept saying that Clementine is "wildly reactive" which is apparently a great thing. The funny thing is, I just didn't FEEL her that much in those 15 minutes of torture but apparently she was a busy bee. And all is well. And I'm incredibly thankful.
Another thing that's had me all in knots is this whole induction business and the timing of the birth and Thad's arrival. He has not yet been informed that he will be coming home for Christmas (they like to mess with the heads of the men in the program, this is just a part of that) but he knows its a possibility. So I told him in my last letter that if I didn't have her by the time he got here, that I would induce labor so that he could meet her.
Subconsciously, I desperately hoped that he would write back and tell me not to. It took him two weeks to get back to me, but here's what he said:
"About this inducing talk, I don't know beba. You've sold me so completely on natural birth, I am extremely skeptical. Let me put it this way, I don't know how I'd forgive myself if you went into surgery because of me. I do not want you to..." "I don't think choosing the riskier option is wise. I want for us to both just pray that God will do what He will do and for us to trust He will do what's best. If we are doing our absolute best to trust God, can the ending be ANY better? Even if it's not what either of us "want"? We don't know what's best for ourselves over God. That's my two cents. I love you so dearly and only have our best interests at heart and I know you do too and if you feel God convicting you to do something then I will support you, no matter what."
So, that's an answer to prayer. I've been going back and forth, back and forth, and having that affirmation from Thad just settles the matter. Neither of us really want to induce, even if we both really just want to get to spend time together with her. We're gonna let her come on her own time. The end.