|Her standard sleep pose.|
Being a mom is awful. I don't mind any of the things I was told I would mind. I don't mind being pooped on, peed on, kept up all night...I don't really mind that I haven't put make up on in over a week, I don't mind that it's hard to find time to take a shower, and only when my hormones are acting up do I really mind being "alone" in the house the majority of the day.
What I do mind is the feeling that I have no idea what I'm doing. What I do mind is when I have no idea what Clementine needs. When she cries despite being fed, changed, and snuggled--that's when being a mom is awful. Now I know my parents weren't just being nice all those times when I wasn't feeling well and they said "I wish I could take your place."
I know her little tummy bothers her. But despite having taken all the advice I can possibly find on the internet or glean from other moms, I don't know what to do about it other than let it run it's course. And hearing her cry in pain and not being able to do a single thing about it is awful.
Futhermore, I don't like hearing her cry, period. She's not a fussy baby. She doesn't cry for the fun of it. Maybe with baby number two I won't be so miserable when I hear my baby cry, but right now it just makes me miserable. If I can't fix her problems, what use am I!
I would keep extrapolating on these dumb feelings, but there's a nap waiting for me.