Thursday, January 3, 2013

Mom Guilt

Considering the amount of sleep I haven't had in the past week, I probably shouldn't be blogging. Or be allowed out in public. Or be awake. But HEY I've had coffee today!
Her standard sleep pose. 

Being a mom is awful. I don't mind any of the things I was told I would mind. I don't mind being pooped on, peed on, kept up all night...I don't really mind that I haven't put make up on in over a week, I don't mind that it's hard to find time to take a shower, and only when my hormones are acting up do I really mind being "alone" in the house the majority of the day.

What I do mind is the feeling that I have no idea what I'm doing. What I do mind is when I have no idea what Clementine needs. When she cries despite being fed, changed, and snuggled--that's when being a mom is awful. Now I know my parents weren't just being nice all those times when I wasn't feeling well and they said "I wish I could take your place."

I know her little tummy bothers her. But despite having taken all the advice I can possibly find on the internet or glean from other moms, I don't know what to do about it other than let it run it's course. And hearing her cry in pain and not being able to do a single thing about it is awful.

Futhermore, I don't like hearing her cry, period. She's not a fussy baby. She doesn't cry for the fun of it.  Maybe with baby number two I won't be so miserable when I hear my baby cry, but right now it just makes me miserable. If I can't fix her problems, what use am I!

I would keep extrapolating on these dumb feelings, but there's a nap waiting for me.

Baby's first manicure, courtesy of daddy.


rosemarie said...

OK girly, you hit on the very reason that babies scare the snot out of me; they cannot tell you what is wrong. It isn't silly to be undone by this, it's a God given mechanism. They cry, we fix it. It's sorta like how He made them cute or after 44 hours of labor you'd be a fool to take them home, you know? Hang in there, you love her and that's what's going to get you both through these first months.

Deb Martin said...

Going through the same thing with my new one. He is much more high maintenance than #1, and it has also been 3 years since I have done this! One thing that has been working pretty well is letting him lay on his stomach when he is really gassy.