It's been a crazy few weeks round here. We moved into our apartment last weekend and I feel like I haven't sat down since then! I can't even explain the excitement that has been mine since obtaining my own four walls. I spent exactly a year living in other people's homes. I had a baby living in my parent's home and have shared a room with Clementine since her birth.
Don't read me wrong, the shelter Clementine and I were provided while Thad was at No Longer Bound was 100% a blessing. Both my parents and then the Mullins made their homes our home while we stayed with them, but there is nothing quite like having your own space. It's really nice to leave a dish in the sink without feeling like I am being disrespectful to someone else's home. Doing the laundry on my own time, with my own water is freeing. Leaving my purse lying around any old where I want to is relaxing. You (or at least I) never quite realize what a blessing it is to inhabit your own space until the space you inhabit is not your own. Every time I use my own shower without regard to how much time I'm taking or whether or not the floor gets wet, or I put Clementine down for the night and I am free to keep my voice above a whisper and I don't have to creep around my bedroom--because I have my own bedroom!--I feel as though God is giving me a gift (and let's face it: He is).
My struggle right now lies in the fact that it is so new and so exciting to have my own space that my own space is all that's taking up space in my thoughts. I've really had to check myself here. All I think about is how to get this or that done--what will be more cost effective, making my own curtains or searching around craigslist and the like to purchase them? How can we budget enough money to purchase bookshelves? (There are approximately 500 books sitting on the floor right now, talk about KILLING me!) I never got to nest when I was pregnant--never got to make a nice space for my baby. Now that I have a nursery, I want to make it nice and happy and airy and pretty for my baby. I'm researching the price of crib bedding and figuring out how to upcycle the cute (but somewhat drab) dresser we were given for her. Delayed nesting = intense nesting.
So this morning, after Thad left for work and Clementine went down for a nap and I was left to my own devices, I felt the stress come upon me as there are a million things I want to do all at once but neither have the immediate time or funds for. I decide to start working on one area (hanging up the clothes for example) and when I end up in the kitchen for a cup of coffee, start wondering how I make the kitchen look nicer. While in the middle of this I realized I'm spending more of my thoughts on where to hang this or that than I am in fellowship with God. Where the heck is my prayer life right now? Dear Lord, please help me find cheap bookshelves? Dear Lord, thanks for providing this great washer/dryer set, now please provide me with a set of curtains? How sad and embarrassing to admit!
I know I can't be the only woman to be guilty of this which I guess is why I am sharing it. Here I am sitting and obsessing over the little things, when God has provided all of the important things AND THEN SOME. When we couldn't afford a crib, He provided. When we couldn't afford a car, He provided. When we couldn't afford a washer/dryer, some nice person donated them to the NLB Thrift Store and they sold them to us for next to nothing.
Most importantly, a year ago when everything seemed lost, He threw us on His back and climbed us out of the pit. Thad and I have each other. Clementine has us. Talk about provision.
So my goal today is no longer to organize the closet or find a good spot on the floor for all the books, but to remember and be glad that as much as I love my new home sweet home, my real home sweet home is not here on earth. It is eternal, secured for me by Christ, and more valuable than any material object I could ever attain. And if I am to hang curtains or organize a closet or make a sweet space for my sweet baby, it is to glorify God by blessing my family.